Apologies

I make the kids tell each other they are sorry when they hurt each other. I know they don't always mean it. Most of the time when it's prompted by me it doesn't sound even a little bit sincere, and that irritates me. It also irritates me when someone tells me sorry and they don't mean it and I know and they know they don't mean it.

Maybe I should still be thankful for the apology since I still want the kids to apologize. I don't know. I'm really hoping that by the time they are adults the kids will have developed a sense of compassion and they won't flit off an "I'm sorry" with a snicker or a sing-song voice anymore.

I think when you hurt someone you should say you're sorry. Not that it always makes everything better - it doesn't mend the hurt always - but it's a step in a process.

Last year sometime I would read devotionals with the girls sometimes. One of the stories was about a boy who kept doing something his father didn't like. The father told him to go hammer a nail in a fence everytime he did the offense. After a long time and many nails the boy broke the habit or quit doing the offensive behavior and his father slowly had him remove the nails from the fence. Then he showed the boy the holes in the fence and told him that when we hurt people we make holes, and even saying sorry - though it might remove the nail it leaves a hole.

I think that's a very accurate visual.

This morning the girls got into a tiff. They each were sent to a time-out spot for awhile. I think it all started in an innocent game of Slap-Jack with some tickling rules thrown in, but got out of hand. Usually when they've been in time-out they will have to apologize to get out. Today, saying sorry wasn't enough. I told them each to be specific about what they were apologizing for. I told them to think about something they did to put them in the situation they were in.

I wasn't sure it was going to work.

But Julia started. "I'm sorry I hit you in the head." Then it was Holly's turn. After a couple of protests of innocence she said "I'm sorry I kicked you."

Hooray.

I'll try to overlook that Holly added "and kicked me" to Julia's apology and Julia added "in the stomach" to Holly's. Afterall, people rarely apologize to us in exactly the perfect way. At least nobody said, "I'm sorry you got hurt."