A Creative Leak

A few weeks ago my mom and grandmom came to visit for the day.
I'm so glad they did.

My grandmom passed away on Tuesday. I can't say it was shocking to hear. Every time my mom would call at an unexpected time I prepared myself for bad news about Grandmom. But still I didn't expect Tuesday to be the day.

I'm not sure how to tell you what kind of grandmother she was. She was complicated. And yet simple. She moved to the NC coast to my mom's apartment complex in January after living for 40 some years in Middle Tennessee. She hated to leave my granddad behind in his grave back in TN. She felt lost when he died. They shared a love and life very few experience.

And I think the personality trait in her I felt drawn to the most was her honesty. She was certain to tell you those pants don't go with that shirt. Or she just couldn't believe you'd go out in public with your hair like that. I sent a Christmas card once with a family picture on it from Thanksgiving in Alaska... Alan was 6 mo old or so. I found out later that my hair was horrible and I should have changed my shirt before we took the picture.

But Grandmom was pretty even handed with her complaints and her love. And we knew that inside a rude comment was a lot of love.

My grandmother was a strong woman. Independent. Opinionated. And loved. Her mother was ill for a lot of her childhood and died when Grandmom was about 17. Then Grandmom married my granddaddy at 18. My mom says she was spoiled. I say she was truly loved. My granddaddy got up early - Grandmom got up late. Granddaddy patted my mom's bottom as a baby to put her to sleep and got up with her in the mornings. I have a photo of him hanging laundry on the line in the back yard in his younger days. And he gave my grandmom jewelry at Christmas time with cards that said more than "To: Frances From: Curtis". It was "to my dearly beloved" and "for my darling wife" and "with all my love" "I love you with my whole heart". They were inseparable - partly because Grandmom didn't have a driver's license until her oldest daughter did, I'm sure. But even in retirement they went to the grocery and Walmart together.

When I was in college my grandparents sent me a monthly allowance of spending money - which really helped me pay the rent. When my roommates and I were threatened with eviction when a boyfriend brought his dog to visit one weekend to our apartment where pets weren't allowed they paid half the fine that let us stay. When I transferred to a college close to them and went to visit on weekends we'd play cards and Grandmom would make sure I filled a grocery bag from their pantry before I left and would give me $20 for gas.

My grandmom didn't drink alcohol, but I've heard my mother say she was still the life of a party. I believe it. She played bridge and used to play bunco. She had a circle of friends who celebrated birthdays monthly and had a supper club. She was raised in the city and never did much gardening of vegetables that I know. But she put out flowers every year - loved her ferns and begonias and impatiens. I like a perennial that comes back without me working for it. Grandmom didn't mind the yearly hassle of planting and caring for new flowers.

I love my grandmom. She was a second mom to me. She was the first person I told about my divorce. She wasn't surprised. She said she'd thought something was wrong. And this summer the first time I went to see her she didn't just ask how things were going or how I was. "So, are you happy?" she asked.

I think that one question sums it up for me. She's not the friend to say 'let me know what I can do'. She's the friend to tell you you have spinach in your teeth and ask if you're happy. That's the friend I want to be. I hope I have enough of her in me to make it happen.

So, are you happy?