Certain Random Thoughts from Recent Events

ASSERTIVE OR POLITE?

I really wish I could be both assertive and polite. More often than not I find myself tending toward politeness and getting what feels like walked on instead of being assertive and possibly offending anyone.

Alan's soccer coach didn't call to tell me that his second practice was cancelled due to wet fields or that the first week of games was postponed due to jerseys not being in. I knew both of those facts because Julia had practice the same night that Alan would have, and both of the girls' coaches called to tell me about the games schedule change. Then Alan's next practice rolled around and it rained at our house. It even thundered some. But by the time he and Holly had to go to practice, it was moving on and we went to the fields. Holly was practicing, but no one from Alan's team was there.

I called the Y and got the coach's number and called him to ask if practice had changed. His response was that he didn't have a number for me. (Even though the Y had told him we were joining his team and he'd called me the week before - he didn't have my number. So maybe he lost my number.) I gave him my number. He asked if I was at the field. I said yes. And then I told him about Holly having practice and that we were there for her anyway.

Now why do I care if he wants to feel guilty for not telling me about the practices being cancelled? Why am I trying to spare his feelings when he had 5 days to find a contact number for me?

DUMB RESPONSES

Today the coach didn't show up for the game at 11. With the games being cancelled due to the jerseys, the Y had at first said they were shifting all games one week, then sent out an email saying they were taking the first game and tacking it on at the end of the schedule. So I could understand some confusion. But - I was the only parent there to have the coach's number. So I called to tell him.

I said, the game started at 11 and we just finished the first 7 minute quarter. His response was - You are kidding.

That would have served him right. What a great way to get him back for communicating badly with me - I'll call and tell him that he screwed up the game time. I'll make him think that we started and he's missing it.

I said no. Not kidding. We had 5 kids show up at 11 and we've started and we're just switching out 4 at a time. And he started to explain to me about the Y telling him this or that. Eventually he said he'd be there in a few minutes.

And he did get there eventually. And the kids didn't really care - or at least the 5 kids that were there at 11 didn't. I'm not sure about the ones that showed up at 12.

I didn't go talk to him or listen to him tell the other parents why he thought what he thought about the game time. He didn't jump right into coaching when he arrived. He had to tell the parents standing there that it was the Y's fault. What I wanted him to do was to show up, say sorry I'm late, and start coaching.

Oh well. Maybe not being rude and also not listening to his excuse is close enough to being polite and yet assertive. For starters.