Our recent trip

Alan's nintendo never started working again. My mom and I did go halfs on a new-used one for him. It's a last chance kind of thing, and really he can thank the girls for it. When he got his for his birthday Holly convinced my mom that she really wanted one. And so Mom got one for each girl for her upcoming birthday. They were on sale a few weeks ago and Mom had them waiting, and then decided to give them early so the girls could use them for entertainment on our trip to Tennessee for my grandmother's funeral. So Alan got a replacement. I didn't really like replacing his since he ruined it himself... but I do like having it to take it away at times.

The funeral trip went pretty well. It's been interesting to hear the kids' take on the whole experience. Holly explained to Alan very clearly at some point in the car that Grandmother is NEVER going to open her eyes again. All the kids were very interested in her body. I didn't want to keep them from seeing her or touching her, because I didn't want them to be afraid of her or have their last memories of her be scary ones. So I did my best to make it seem normal to look at her and touch her hands. I couldn't pull Holly and Alan away from the casket. They were amazed at how cold and stiff she felt. And they weren't scared.

At the cemetery the workers immediately lowered the casket and filled the grave after the pastor read the 23rd Psalm and the friends and family stood around visiting for a few minutes. The kids sat front row and watched the grave being filled. Now Alan will tell you that Grandmother died. And now she's in a big hole.

Since we got home Alan has asked every day if I miss Grandmother. I say yes I do. The first time we had the conversation I said I'm going to miss seeing her. He told me that we'll see her again. In Heaven we will see her. Let's go now. We can drive there. Oh wait. The roads don't go to the sky. We'll have to get a plane to go. Then I told him that planes don't go to Heaven either and when we go we don't get to come back. So it's okay that we'll stay here for a long time together. I was very thankful for his insight that day in the car. I needed that reminder. He also told me Grandmother and Granddaddy are sitting on a cloud together. And that's a nice thought, too.

I couldn't bring myself to wear black for the funeral. I remember at my granddaddy's funeral, my grandmom wore gold shoes. I excused her in my mind that day because I knew she was grieving, but I didn't approve. I wore a horribly ugly black dress (with white polka dots on it) because that's what you wear to a funeral. Then afterward I went out and bought a "funeral" dress. I think I wore that dress to my other granddad's funeral and then bought a different black dress I liked much more. But as much as I like my black dress, I couldn't make myself wear it. I wore purple. And gold shoes.